In the last of her three part series on Authentic Feedback, Founder Sara Sweat shares the tools we need to move feedback discussions from an item on our checklist to a culture building, innovation inspiring, accelerator.
Sara Sweat, MA – Founder & CEO, A Life Curated
In recent weeks, we’ve been exploring the topic of feedback. While it receives decidedly mixed reviews from the leaders and teams with whom I work, I am a true believer in its value.
Done well, feedback can elevate product design, skyrocket careers, & serve as a powerful, zero cost, retention and innovation strategy for your organization. Done poorly, it will have entirely inverse results.
We’ve discussed some of the most common reasons feedback fails and walked through the most important considerations for launching your own systemic feedback program. But, at the heart of feedback is the relationally based conversation itself.
The Relationship
Ideally, your organization has a clear feedback process that includes the unified definitions, role expectations, & guidelines that make feedback a systemic part of your culture. But, even if that’s not the case, you can build it within the fabric of your professional relationships.
All of us want to be seen, heard, known, & valued. Relationships are built when we understand & deliver that for each other. When we feel that someone “gets us” & is truly concerned with our good, we can hear hard things clearly & action more quickly to our own benefit.
Authentic Feedback requires authentic connection. So, before you start offering observations about how someone can improve – start by noticing who they are. Honestly invest in getting to know them as a human & be willing to earn some trust. Allow them to get to know you & be transparent about your values as a leader.
This can happen easily in team building events and other fun activities, but it doesn’t have to. A powerhouse mentor of mine leveraged a practice she nicknamed “one more call” to fit more value into her day. At the end of a busy day, she made just one more call – someone she needed to connect with or invest in that hadn’t made the top of the priority list. It usually took no more than 5 minutes, but as the recipient of some of those calls, I can tell you the investment paid passive dividends relationally.
The relationships you nurture will not only help others hear your feedback well, but make it easier for them to deliver their insights to you. And, those insights are equally valuable.
The Preparation
It’s easy to conflate the idea that if you’re being authentic you shouldn’t have to curate or prepare your message. But, failing to prepare to deliver feedback authentically is like going to a waterpark in a snowsuit. You’ll still get wet, but you’ll miss the whole point entirely. Words matter – and so does preparation.
When you have a structure to follow, it’s easier to stay present to your audience as you’re speaking. So, I suggest spending some time organizing your thoughts in advance around a few specific anchors.
- Defined Goals/Guidelines. Whether its feedback about an individual’s performance or a product feature, feedback should always be centered around specific goals. For what is the role or project accountable? What insight do you have to offer about those accountabilities/targets?
- Specific Examples. It’s hard to change a concept, but specific examples make desired outcomes clear. What specific examples can you provide to illuminate what went well and what could have gone differently? And, the more recent – the better.
- Data. Anyone can argue with your opinion, but data demands an explanation. Preparing in advance with relevant data to support your observations can help push past resistance and move the discussion into solutioning together.
- Questions. Just because you’re delivering feedback doesn’t mean you are supposed to have all the answers. In fact, sometimes the best insights come in the form of questions that open you up to new ways of thinking. So, document what you’re curious about & would like to better understand.
The Discussion
When people decide to learn together, they almost always do. So Authentic Feedback discussions are usually productive and enjoyable; even when the topics are hard. A few guidelines can help keep the conversation on track so the investment of time benefits all participants.
- Timing. Every formal Authentic Feedback session starts with a question. “Are you in a place where you can do some feedback?” This question is simple, but it’s magic. By simply giving the object of the discussion the opportunity to opt out – you gain alignment of purpose and learn valuable insights about how your colleague best receives this information.
- Reminder of the Guidelines. When we are reminded of how we want to conduct ourselves, we’re more likely to perform that way. If your organization doesn’t have formal guidelines, devote 15 minutes of a team meeting to establishing some with your team. Agreeing on how to use this tool to support each other amplifies its impact.
- Bi-Directional. As excellent a presenter as you may be, you are not giving a TED Talk. Let me say that again – if you are the only one talking, you are not delivering feedback – you are delivering a seminar. Feedback sessions only work when they are bi-directional. In fact, your aim should be to do less talking than your colleague. Ask open ended questions and be open to hearing their observations, as well. If you can keep the dialogue balanced, you’ll both walk away learning something.
- Decisions and Priorities. Discussing observations is an interesting exercise, but deciding how to incorporate them and prioritizing how you’ll act on them is what creates the most value. Don’t leave the conversation until you’ve aligned on what to do with what you’ve both learned.
Overcoming Objections/Pushback
If you’re being honest & truly highlighting my blind spots, it’s inevitable that you will eventually say something that stings a little. So, a certain amount of reflexive pushback is bound to occur. How you handle it depends on who you’re dealing with.
In his book, Necessary Endings, psychologist, leadership coach, and NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud introduces three profiles of team members in a feedback discussion. “The Wise, The Foolish, & The Evil”.
According to Dr. Cloud:
“The Wise” typically take feedback well. They desire to learn & will use any opportunity to strengthen their abilities. Leaders need only be clear about the blind spot itself and the wise will metabolize five solutions by the end of the day. Any leader’s dream.
“The Foolish” do the opposite. They greet feedback with excuses and debate; deflecting it & often highlighting how others are failing at their accountabilities. Leaders address the Foolish by focusing conversations on clearly defined accountabilities and consequences to motivate compliance.
“The Evil” actually seek to do harm. They reject feedback, may be highly litigious, and sew dissent and negativity everywhere they go. Feedback with this population almost never works. Leaders document everything, never meet alone, & avoid unnecessary engagement.
In my experience, “the evil” category is extremely rare and over the course of our careers, we all take our turns playing “the wise” and “the foolish” many times. When overcoming objections, my goal is to build an alliance with my colleague so they feel more comfortable assuming the posture of “the wise”.
A few things that help:
- Actually listen to the pushback. We can too quickly dismiss an objection as invalid simply because we saw something different. Actively listen, ask questions, & explore its validity with your colleague. It invites them into your thought process and gives you insight into theirs. Usually, active listening provides you with meaningful to do’s from the conversation, as well.
- Listen for signs of overwhelm. We all reflexively push back when we feel overwhelmed. And, if you listen closely, you’ll almost always hear it in people who are struggling to receive feedback. Double click there. Where do they feel unsupported? Are they spending time on activities that are making it too hard to complete the core competencies of their role? Help them workshop their area of overwhelm and they’ll have more capacity for growth.
- Lean on the data. Conversations about performance can quickly become about everything but. Leverage your data to keep dialogue focused on what’s most important and entirely within their control. What are 1-2 small changes that can be made to improve a specific, measurable, outcome? Redirecting the conversation back to these micro goals removes distractions and empowers action.
The Follow Through
Congratulations! You’d had a successful and authentic feedback conversation…almost. The last step is the easiest to forget, but the most important to achieving lasting change. You have to do what you said you were going to do – and so does everyone else.
If I’m being brutally honest, I find accountability exhausting. Ensuring others actually do the things they’ve been charged with doing carries the same level of enjoyment for me as a root canal. I have moved on to other things in my head. I am not interested in being a babysitter. And, I should be able to trust that others are capable of doing their jobs, right? Sound familiar?
The hard truth is that if you want to lead people – part of the gig is helping them develop the habits to successfully execute. You don’t get to skip this step.
To make this less administratively onerous, try dedicating the last 5 minutes of every feedback session to setting up the execution structure for what you’ve agreed upon. Automation is your friend – so set calendar reminders, block out time for work and execution, & set a follow up discussion to create natural guardrails for accountability.
When you can reframe follow ups as additional opportunities for learning & relationship building, the Authentic Feedback process starts all over again. In a continuous loop of dialogue, projects and performance stay on a steady, predictable trajectory – which makes everyone’s life easier.
Thank you for joining us for our series on Authentic Feedback. Have feedback you’d like to share? We’re listening! What are some other professional development topics you’d like to learn more about?
